Faith 'n Family: Happy Anniversary!

Colt and I have been married for 6 years!

I was asked once "What is Love?" My thought on love is "becoming one". Now... I may have taken this a bit far when I can't fall sleep without him being in bed with me...

This reminded me of us:

Not many guys are lucky enough to receive flowers (let alone bright pink ones) as an anniversary gift :)

As the two flowers are one, and share a central core, that is how I feel with Colt. I have been blessed beyond measure with him. While we are completely different in personality and some of the things that we value - we not only make it work, we find joy in our journey together.

Some examples of things we value differently: Colt values staying up at night without the distraction of children and then sleeping in in the morning, while I value going to bed early and waking up and embracing the day. Colt values being his own boss and the challenge that brings while I value predictability. Colt enjoys hot weather - I call him my lizard. I enjoy snow and sweaters and the crispness of being outside in the chilly air. Let's just say our room is kept cooler than Colt would like and warmer than I would like :) Colt's reading a personality book that I would like to pick up and read too - we are completely different in personality. While this could potentially bug some partners and cause friction (which occasionally it does) I think it is a huge blessing to our union. We are able to see the world in 2 completely different ways and if we seek to understand how the other person views things, we can grow and progress together toward something far better than we could do individually.

This is true in so many things that we do in this life - some of our experiences have the potential to separate us, but I believe they have an even larger potential of bringing us together and strengthening the bond between husband and wife if we move together instead of apart. The key is in the frustration of the situation or the tears of the adversity and trials to believe that Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God" We may not see the good now, but looking back, after a time, we can see his hand in our lives and what that experience has taught us and what we have become because of it. You are in this journey together. Someone to share all the good...and bad with.

Moving Forward - Together!

This is better than I could have ever planned. When I have put myself in the Lord's hands, He has made it better than I could have ever designed. Before I met Colt I thought I knew what I wanted...trusting the Lord...It's not exactly what I wanted back then, but it is everything that I had dreamed of and more.

I graduated with a degree in Marriage, Family and Human Development. I used to think: "What a USELESS degree!" Oh, How wrong I was!! I think for me, this was the most valuable thing I could have spent my time studying - what the major factors are that make marriages and families successful.

My Summary of my degree in action: (This part got a lot longer than I was planning on...can you tell it's my FAVORITE subject - I would love to be a marriage counselor)

**Disclaimer** These are just my thoughts on a happy marriage. They may not work for everyone, but they work for me. If they don't work for you, then find something that does.

*Pray morning and night as a couple. I am willing to submit that any couple that does this Every Day will work through their differences and come closer together. With the Lord included in your union, it is amazing what can happen. We went to a fireside at BYU where the couple said that they prayed outloud with each other, while holding hands, every morning and night and made it a joint prayer. One would start and squeeze the other's hand when they were done to have the other person pick up and finish the prayer. Colt and I have enjoyed doing this. It is a joint coming together before our Heavenly Father in the name of our Redeemer to thank the source of all our blessings and to ask for blessings in our marriage and lives. Pray for your spouse, a closeness comes when you hear your spouse thank Heavenly Father for you and ask him for blessings for you.

* Don't take it for granted. As much as I love Colt and he loves me, we acknowledge that this could fall apart. If you keep that in mind, that it can fail, and it will keep you working to make it succeed. I read marriage books, as secure as I am in this relationship, it needs to be a priority, and always strengthened. Have you seen the movie Fireproof? Colt and I really enjoyed this movie. Here is a link to their site: http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/index.php

*If it is to be, it's up to me. YOU have to be the one to take responsibility and change, regardless of how your partner does or does not respond. I have the feeling many would say that their marriage would be different if their spouse was different. What kind of spouse are you? Be the kind of spouse you would like to have. It's amazing how people respond to love and kindness. I am a firm believer that many times people behave the way you expect them to. Treat them with the potential you see in them, and they just might believe it too and become that. People respond to the way we think about them. Think positively about your spouse. Be his/her biggest fan and supporter and let them know you think they're awesome. Tell them you love them.

*Time and Attention. Without Time and Attention things will fall apart. This is the same for the gospel, without regularly strengthening your testimony, you forget what you once knew and the light burns less brightly. In marriage, you forget the feelings you had for each other and your love burns less brightly. Busy-ness. That sums up our lives. Colt and I are very busy with everything and time is at a premium. Most of the time we are burned out with our day when we get time to spend with each other at night. Make time for each other. It can be very simple. You don't have to spend a lot of money or even leave the house.

*Become one: Think about what this means for you. Strive to put your marriage and the other person's feelings first.

*Serve your spouse: You love what you sacrifice (unselfishly) for. President Spencer Kimball speaking of happiness in marriage said "happiness...comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness."

*Have a Soft Heart: Think really hard on this, this is a major key! Ask yourself in a conversation, am I soft right now?

*Live for it! Dedicate yourself to it. One of my major roles in this life and eternity is a wife to Colt.

*Intimacy: Synonyms: Familiarity, Closeness, Understanding, Relationship, Confidence, Devoted, Cherished, Confidential, Dearest, Faithful, Fond, Loving, Nearest, Snug. I cannot stress enough the importance of intimacy in marriage. If things are not going well between the two of you, do you think you'll have intimacy? I think not. Colt taught me the phrase "Mi Media Naranja: It means "My Other Half" The Half that makes me whole.

*Have Fun Together! Get out of the every day life and laugh and enjoy! Colt and I enjoy eating guacamole and playing cards together. He makes me laugh.

*Flexibility: Again, I think this is one of the major keys! Learn to live with another person and be flexible to their schedule and needs. Also, choose your battles. Don't make every issue a huge argument. Do you make an argument about the toilet seat and dinner and the way this is done and....let some things go!! Realize that if you make everything a big issue, your spouse will most likely be miserable and do the same to you. Think about your most important issues, and address those.

*Look for the positive in your spouse. If you look for the positive - you'll find it. If you look for the negative, you'll find it!

*Design in your mind how you want your family: Great families I believe don't happen just by chance on their own. Talk about it, to see if you're on the same page. We value things differently, what's important to me may not be important to him, but it's important to let him know what's important to me. (OhYah! I just used important 4 times in the same sentance!)

*Expect Less. I find that if I have high expectations, I find myself in a continual state of disappointment. If I lower those expectations and accept what others can give, my day goes SO much the better! This may seem like a really incongruous statement coming from me. Yes, I have high expectations for myself and others, but I've realized that I need to notch down the expectations. When we hold an expectation that is so hard to achieve, others can feel when we're hard with ourselves and wonder if they'll ever match up to our expectations. I know what it's like to live feeling like you'll never ever achieve another's expectations - it is the most frustrating thing!! A very, very divisive thing.

*Accept your spouse for who they are. Do not try to change them. People will only change when they want to. Talk about your frustrations. While it is important to change for your spouse...do not force them to, or make it miserable if they do not. Listen to why they like to do things that way. People have very ingrained personalities that you need to understand and work with. Hhhmmm, as I'm writing this I'm thinking of my earlier example of different values...the going to bed thing...we're different creatures - night owl and rooster, how are you going to come together on this? One may need to change to make things go smoother...my sleep is integral to my mood, which is vital to our marital happiness...I can't stay up and can't sleep without him...so something needs to change...Compromise...Sometimes we do need to change things to make it work...understanding yourself and the other person...I'll have to think more on this one - it's a work in progress.

*Communication - Key! Going with the above one...seek to understand, but also help them see what you need as well.

*Companionship Inventory: I learned this on my mission. Regularly Sit down and talk with your spouse about your relationship. What's going well? In what areas can we improve? Ask yourself - how am I being as a spouse? This is a way to think about what your most important issues are. Bring them up before they build in you to the breaking point.

*Be honest with your feelings. Don't make it a guessing game for your spouse to try to guess what you really mean by that or why you're upset. When I say "No, you don't need to buy me flowers" I really mean No. Many people say no, really thinking yes...and hoping that he'll get them for her. Don't have a hidden agenda.

*Don't give up! You are not alone when you feel that this is work and that this may not be working like you had hoped. That is one of the major concepts I walked away from BYU with. Most couples struggle at one point or other. All couples that make it have to work on it. It won't happen on it's own. There is a phenomenon that "rose colored glasses" only work for 2 years. After 2 years, you have to have some serious foundations past "I like peperoni pizza too" ......lol! Sidenote: Get to know the person you are dating for quite a while and varied circumstances, situations before you marry. Brother Barlow, my Marriage-Prep teacher taught that if your interest is based on "Wow, you're the greatest, we like all the same things...sports, animals, outdoors, (insert anything here you like) and peperoni pizza too! Let's get married!" you need to have more of a foundation than that. Back to the topic at hand...we're not dating here, we're married. We chose the one we wanted, and made a covenant for eternity. Work on it. Don't give up!!!

***Look past the here and now, this is for Eternity!***

Oh, How Happy I am That This is For Eternity!