Faith 'n Family: A Magical Childhood

I've been debating back and forth whether or not to send River to Preschool. Pros: Mainly social. Also, River loves learning. Cons: Time away from her at such an early tender, cute age. She gets so bored (even though we do a bazillion projects and work on things constantly) and asks me constantly what she can do next. Colt has reminded me that it is not my job to entertain her 24-7. I told Colt that she only has one childhood, and he reminded me that we only have one young-adulthood.

With that realization, a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Talking to other moms, I think a lot of it is a first-child thing that I am the entire activity committee in her life. (They say the busiest mom is the mom of one! For me 2 kids is WAY easier than one ever was - she has another focus in life than just me!!). Now, I do believe that we need to be involved with our kids, teach them things, interact with them on their level and be available for them. Read to them, and involve them in our activities - folding clothes, cooking, cleaning, etc - even though it takes 20 times longer to do with them. (I have learned to not preheat the oven until the last step of whatever we're cooking - including cake mixes!!) Listen to them...and their endless ramblings...We had a talk in our last Stake Conference in which the speaker shared that if we truly listen to our kids when they're small, they'll talk with us when they're teenagers.

I was taking this much to far with having to entertain her and coming up with projects all day every day. Colt helped me realize this was not a service to her or to me. I will continue to sit down and read books, do projects and take time to laugh and be silly, but I will also take the time to do housework, teaching her the value of being a Mom and doing all the little things moms do all day long, cooking, cleaning, etc...I'll also teach her the importance of entertaining herself and coming up with something to do.

Fun Idea: When Washing Dishes - Go Fishing! River had so much fun fishing with the tongs and pulling out her "fish"

The other day as Colt and I were working outside, she came to us asking what to do. Colt told her to use her imagination and come up with something. After a couple minutes of grumbling that she didn't know what to do she started pretending she was a unicorn with a branch stuck on her head, she also had a blast with the chimes and running and having a great time! She asked Colt to tie a rope to her slide so she could lasso animals that were in trouble and pull them to safety. She has a great imagination, I need to give her more time to develop and use it! It's important to let them come up with things on their own. This will serve them well in later life when they can think of things besides video games and movies to entertain themselves with.

Anyway, we were leaning towards Preschool for her bored factor and the kid is social, social, social. River also LOVES to learn. Some of her favorite things to do are Joy School and Preschool lessons. She loves letters and the alphabet, math and counting too. She loves learning and the accomplishment of grasping a concept. Many of her interests are in academics. I was leaning heavily to put her into preschool, but still feeling a little uneasy about it. I came home, still torn with the decision, and found this website. I felt very strongly that for us and our family, for River and me, we should keep her home. I have felt at peace with that decision. Mainly I want to live without regrets, and I think that I would regret this time away from my little girl - she'll grow up so fast and be in school and grown up before we know it!

Here's the website and my synopsis of it: Okay, so I can't summarize it - it is WAY too good! This has changed how I will parent my children. (I debated whether to put just the link here or the whole article, I would hate to loose access to this wonderful inspiration if the link becomes unavailable in the future, and I don't think she'd mind more mom's having her thoughts) Here it is:
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What should a 4 year old know?

http://www.magicalchildhood.com/articles/4yo.htm (article) and http://magicalchildhood.wordpress.com/ (blog by same author)

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. "What should a 4 year old know?" she asked.

Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL's to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn't. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn't be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he'll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she's wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it's just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that-- way more worthy.

But more important, here's what parents need to know.
That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children's toys and they wouldn't be missed, but some things are important-- building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too-- to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it's absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That's not okay! Our children don't need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.

They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they're a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

And now back to those 4 year old skills lists.....
I know it's human nature to want to know how our children compare to others and to want to make sure we're doing all we can for them. Here is a list of what children are typically taught or should know by the end of each year of school, starting with preschool:
http://www.worldbook.com/typical_course_of_study.html
The lists can be useful to see what kids typically learn each year and can be reassuring that they really are doing fine.
If there are areas where it seems your child is lacking, realize that it's not an indication of failure for either you or your child. You just haven't happened to cover that. Kids will learn whatever they're exposed to, and the idea that they all need to know these 15 things at this precise age is rather silly. Still, if you want him to have those subjects covered then just work it into life and play with the subject and he'll naturally pick it up. Count to 60 when you're mixing a cake and he'll pick up his numbers. Get fun books from the library about space or the alphabet. Experiment with everything from backyard snow to celery stalks in food coloring. It'll all happen naturally, with much more fun and much less pressure.

My favorite advice about preschoolers is on this site though:
http://www.redshift.com/~bonajo/early.htm

What does a 4 year old need?
Much less than we realize, and much more!
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After reading that River, Silver and I trooped out to the backyard to make mud puddles, and had a blast! (Even though it was less than an hour after their baths) Kids are washable, and so are clothes! This is why we get most all our clothes at thrift stores.