I believe that a big part of life is in our making choices - one of the biggest choices of a woman's life is pregnancy and delivery...how many children....and the right to determine what kind of delivery she wants to have. Please don't think if you've taken a different path than mine that I would think less of that...it's our journey to make as we will....here was my journey and some of my thoughts through my 3 pregnancies and deliveries: Also, this is pretty detailed, you may want to skip this post if not desirous to hear details of pregnancy and delivery :)
Chapter 1
River Joy
Head is on the right, with two arms showing up light, tummy and legs towards the left.
River's pregnancy was wonderful. I was energetic, full of life, only got sick a handful of times, and felt wonderful. I think that I finally slow down when I'm pregnant, eat well, and sleep well (good-bye insomnia!! When I'm pregnant, I can SLEEP!). I worked as Colt's secretary all through my pregnancy. Towards the end of my pregnancy my back really started bothering me. It got so bad I couldn't lay on my back - it had to be on my side, and it was very painful to roll over or get down or up. By the time I hit the 38 week "full-term" pregnancy stage, I was getting nervous. River rarely kicked or moved around. You're supposed to feel them move quite a few times an hour. I would feel River probably that many times a day if I was lucky. I went in to check everything out after I didn't feel her for 2 days. Everything was okay, she was just a very mellow baby, but it got me worrying.
I went to my due date and beyond. I cannot describe the feelings of done-ness that accompany 40+ weeks of pregnancy. I talked to many doctors and nurses who felt that inducing me was the best option, because of risks of going past your due date. I also had some say that induction was not the way to go, and to let the baby come when it is ready. What to do??? I have never been so torn in my life. Colt and I joked that when to have this baby (come on it's own or induce) was a bigger decision than to marry each other. We decided to induce, had the date set, and then backed out the night before. The next day I knew without a doubt that River needed to be born that day. As parents, we have special responsibility for our children, and can receive promptings for them. I KNEW I needed to be started that morning. I decided that even though I had heard opinions from both sides of the matter, this was my baby an my decision to make, I still worried about what others thought, but knew this was our decision in the end. This was a big turning point for me in taking a stand and becoming a Mom.
My doctor was good enough to let us come in and start even though we were probably 6 hours later than he had originally wanted to start things.....He broke my water and started me on Pitosin. Pit ramps up your body and starts contractions. When labor picked up the contractions came one on top of each other. I had decided I didn't want an epidural. Having a needle in my back was more scary to me than pushing out a baby. With an epidural you have to lay perfectly still - yeah right! In active labor, I don't think so! I had a teacher who had horrendous headaches as a side effect quite a while after having a baby...I thought labor can't be as bad as having headaches for months after the baby...anyway, I'm glad I decided before hand to do natural birth. Everyone kept asking me if I wanted drugs, pain killers, epidural or in the end a spinal block - I thought, my goodness, is it that rare that a woman wants to do this naturally?
River came much faster than anyone was expecting. They had originally told me around 3:30 in the morning. Then it was changed to around midnight. They checked me and told me it was going to be still many more hours. I was thinking "I can't do this for hours and hours" little did I know that I was in transition. Within 45 minutes of her saying hours and hours it was there. 45 minutes, I can handle!
The nice thing is we were alone through most of it - I would tell Colt I needed someone and he would say just one more contraction. It got to the point I said I need someone NOW, when he called the nurse, Dr. Bowman just happened to be walking past right then and it was full chaos after that with lights on and nurses running around and "Don't Push!" Excuse me??? Don't push when there is a baby and your body is doing everything it can to get it out. Yikes!
Pushing was the best part for me because I finally felt in control. I had felt so out of control before when I just had to survive each contraction. River got there around 8.
I was so grateful to hear her cry and to hold her. What a blessing to have our baby girl and know everything went well. I was grateful to everyone who helped get her here.
Chapter 2
Silver Dawn:
Baby is vertical in this picture with head on top right, arms go in front of her face and the chest and tummy below.
Pregnancy again went well without many problems. I started to have low blood pressure problems towards the end of the 2nd Trimester. I would have to sit or lay down whenever a dizzy wave would hit because I felt very close to passing out. While in the office alone one day I had to lay down - people would come by to drop off paperwork or make a change to their policy. The best I could do was to ask them to write a note and Colt would answer it when he got back. My back hurt even more than with River and would pinch so bad. Colt's cousin Aaron Cluff is a chiropractor and that saved my back. Absolute Miracle! I would be adjusted every so often and would be able to move again. Silver moved more than River did, but I still wouldn't call her very active. After the 38 week mark I felt her activity slow as they get more cramped. I was worried, but not nearly as much as with River. At 40 weeks I was not dilated at all! 0. We decided to start labor and the Dr. gave me Cirvadil (sp?) In hindsight I would never have taken it, it is widely given, but the potential side-effects in my opinion are not worth it - but then I guess that could be said about most every drug - if you read the side effects.......so many things to weigh in modern medicine. My body reacts strongly to medication - I'm pretty sensitive to any medical intervention in any form.
He gave me Cirvadil at 5:00 pm saying that it was supposed to ripen the cervix to the point that he could break my water the next morning. Leave it in for around 12 hours and take it out the next morning around 5, unless it starts hurting and take it out before that. He said that he wanted to see me at 8 the next morning to start things. I took River to the library after that and then visited Colt in the office. I remember just wanting to sit down. By the time I got home at 6, I was feeling really funny, and I took out the Cirvadil. I started Mac and cheese for dinner, but couldn't finish it and called Colt to come home. By 7 contractions were coming regularly and I was wanting to go to the hospital. After Colt gave me a blessing in the parking lot, we walked into the hospital around 8. We joked with the Dr. later that he said he wanted to see me at 8 :) oh, that was tomorrow morning instead of tonight?? I couldn't make it down the hall without having to stop for every contraction. By 8:30 when I had changed into the hospital gown and they checked me I was dilated to a 3. They hooked me up to the machines and made me lay down to monitor me. Then they gave me a IV in my arm during a contraction! Why do I need an IV? Just incase you need one later.....oh.... So for all of labor I have a needle in my arm. She told me my labor was pretty weak still and wasn't too intense yet and that I had many more hours ahead of me. She says: We may send you home tonight and have you come in when labor kicks in. WHAT??? Labor has definitely kicked in by now, but all they see is the 3. I'm going through transition and couldn't catch my breath - I was hyperventilating and really having a hard time calming down as the contractions were coming one ontop of the other without letting up inbetween. She said that she had called the Dr and told him to hurry because "I wasn't handling my pain very well." I had had quite enough of her by that time and just started to tune her out. I felt that my body started pushing with the contractions and luckily Dr. Bowman showed up just then at 9. On came the lights, nurses started running around, he threw off his coat, helped me into bed and delivered the baby right there.
From 5:00 being 0 dilated and having the baby at 9, it threw my body into hard labor that was just too fast and too hard. I was shaking so bad when they gave Silver to me that I could only hold her for a minute before I had to give her back. I remember laying there crying as he sewed me up......I thought this is not the way I wanted to have a baby. Then when Colt brought River to the hospital to see her new baby sister, they didn't want to let her in for risk of RSV to the other babies/patients in the hospital. Hhhmmm. This was a very stressful experience for me. I wanted to go home.
I had been nervous to have a 2nd child. I didn't know how I would handle two. That night was really special for me in the hospital. I remember holding her with the intense feeling that I could handle childbirth and to not let that scare me away from having #3. The next morning I watched the BYU chanel on TV and saw a talk by Elder Holland called "Cast not aside therefore thy confidence" It was exactly what I needed and I felt such a feeling of peace that this was the spirit that came to our home from Heavenly Father for us at this time. I felt how central to Heavenly Father's plan family and children are. I felt the love that God has for Silver Dawn and the love he has for us as her parents. What gratitude I felt that all went well with the delivery and she was here with us.
VIDEO: River in Hospital with Silver
Chapter 3
I have a history of Ovarian Cysts. I had one removed when I was 18 and another when I was 28. These are painful and have the potential of rupturing scarring the uterus, causing endometreosis, or twisting thus damaging or ruining the ovaries. My first surgery took most of one of my ovaries. The 2nd surgery took the fallopian tube on the other side. So, on one side I have one good ovary with no fallopian tube, and on the other I have part of an ovary with a fallopian tube. I have wondered if I'll reach a point where I can't have anymore kids because of cyst complications. Because of this, we decided to have Summer and Silver pretty close together.
Summer Echo:
Face with her hand on the right.
Her face in profile. Look at the light part below the black. On the right you can see the head going into the nose and jaw. Too Cute!
Pregnancy was different this time...I was quite a bit more sick than with my first 2. I had a lot of morning sickness and throwing up. However, my back didn't hurt - I attribute it to not sitting at a desk all day as I did with River and Silver. Exercise is by far the best medicine, and chasing after 2 kids is the best exercise there is!
One of Colt's aunts had her baby with a Midwife so I started exploring that option. I was nervous about not being in a hospital in case something went wrong. But, I was extremely confident in my Midwife, (Summer was the 1133 baby that she delivered) that she could either handle whatever came up or transport me quickly to the hospital. I was also worried that she wouldn't get there in time as I go extremely quickly and she lives an hour and a half away. She taught Colt how to deliver a baby in the event that she wasn't there. She also said that for ladies that go fast, there are rarely any complications. I eventually stopped telling people that I was having a midwife because I knew that was the step I wanted to take and couldn't take their best intentioned caution anymore.
Summer was my most mellow baby and hardly ever moved. At 38 weeks she slowed down even more and I started really worrying. I had to get a calendar and mark it to make sure I had felt her at least once all day long. Her heart rate was still good and in stress tests, she would respond, but I started getting anxious knowing that this baby needed to come now! I started taking an herbal mixture to prepare the uterus and everything and I think it really helped, because this time I was dilated and effacing weeks ahead of my due date. She told me 3 weeks before my due date that I could go "any time!" It was a long 3 weeks. I still went full-term and labor started on its own 2 days before my due date.
I called my midwife Sunday morning thinking I might be in labor. She showed up a full 4 hours before I gave birth and I was already dilated to a 6. It took me 4 hours to go from a 6 to having the baby - much more manageable on my body. I was also able to move - none of this laying flat on my back to have a baby naturally. Colt and I played a card game until I started going into transition. I was also able to move around freely - going to the kitchen for a drink of orange juice or using the bathroom whenever I needed to without asking permission and getting strapped back to the table. Tip: keeping your bladder empty will speed labor along, and make the contractions harder without the fluid in the bladder cushioning everything.
I didn't have an IV "just in case" I wore my comfy clothes - instead of an uncomfortable open nightgown - and I wasn't strapped down to be monitored - she still monitored the babies heart rate and made sure everything was progressing okay. The contractions, while still intense, were more manageable as I had one at a time and my body was able to relax and let go of the tension between them. A warm/hot towel on your lower back works wonders! And then when it got time to push, I didn't have to climb up on the bed. Colt actually ended up delivering Summer. She had her cord wrapped pretty tight around her neck which was causing the movement to slow and she was purple when she came out. Her water broke as she was coming out - probably a very good thing with the cord wrapped so tight. After some oxygen, and a good cry, she pinked right up!
It was a very spiritual experience, one where we could just take our time as a family and welcome a spirit into our home. When Summer was delivered, she gave her directly to me and I held her for a full hour before she took her to be measured, weighed, etc. What a difference!
I think a woman's body is much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. When I took prenatal classes with River, they said "Be sure to get your epidural in the beginning, before you are dying." If I had done that, I would have never known what my body was capable of. Some may say "why hurt yourself when you don't have to?" I don't believe pain is a bad thing. There is an element of sacrifice in this life, and some of it requires pain.
The scriptures have brought a different dimension lately with topics such as Deliverance and Sacrifice. It's been a special time lately thinking of Christ's atonement...pain...let this cup pass from me....Sacrificing for another....eternity....family....children.... temporal pain....spiritual pain....the eternal nature of family......blessings.....purpose of life....what it all boils down to: Love of God and Love of All Mankind. How wonderful that we are sent to this life with a family to care for us ....and also to have the chance to take care of another being on their mortal journey, to teach them temporal and spiritual matters and care so deeply for them.
I am grateful to Colt for supporting me and being with me every step of the way.
I have learned that each spirit is unique and different from before the day they are born. Heavenly Father answers prayers and knows our situations. In those final weeks before Summer was born, I read this quote by President Hinckley often "There has come to you as your birthright something beautiful and sacred and divine. Never forget that. Your Eternal Father is the great Master of the universe. He rules over all, but He also will listen to your prayers...and hear you as you speak with Him. He will answer your prayers. He will not leave you alone."
How thankful I am that Heavenly Father has sent us River, Silver and Summer. Each baby has been a unique blessing and sweet addition to our family.
