I Hope You Dance

Dancing has been a very important part of our home.

River LOVES dancing with Mommy, Daddy, Silver, friends!

Dancing is such a great thing and helps you feel so alive!

I used to go Swing Dancing once a week at Utah Sate. 

We need to find some dance classes for Colt and I to learn swing together, I can follow, not lead. 

Sometimes I try to lead...We've learned we can't have 2 leaders at the same time!!

That reminds me of a song:  Life's a Dance

Sung by John Michael Montgomery

Life's a dance you learn as you go

Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow

Don't worry about what you don't know

Life's a dance you learn as you go

The longer I live the more I believe

You do have to give if you wanna receive

There's a time to listen, a time to talk

And you might have to crawl even after you walk

Had sure things blow up in my face

Seen the longshot, win the race

Been knocked down by the slamming door

Picked myself up and came back for more

Life's a dance you learn as you go

Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow

Don't worry about what you don't know

Life's a dance you learn as you go

  We've definitely learned things as we went.  Talking to a friend with teenagers now I expressed that I love the stage my kids are in and don't want them to grow up.  I'm comfortable with little kids, I don't really know what to do with them when they're older.  I'm scared to have teenagers.  She says to me that she felt the same way, but you learn as you go, your kids will be yours and you'll have all that history, memories and love that you've built with them.  You learn the stage of life that you're in, and they're in.  It's not you just jumping in when they're teenagers.  Kids just get funner and get more and more capable, and you can have different adventures together.  I need to remember the end goal in parenting:  Raising Responsible Capable Adults!  We studied this a bit at BYU in one of my family classes.  It's hard when you've had tiny children that you've done everything for, but as the years go by, you need to give them more and more freedom and responsibility.  You need to have your parent-child (adult-child) relationship morph into an adult-adult relationship.

I'm on a song kick today.  There are so many great songs about dancing: 
Here's "I Hope You Dance"  Sung by Lee Ann Womack:

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
Time is a wheel in constant motion always
Rolling us along
Tell me who
Wants to look back on their years and wonder
Where those years have gone

HUGS!

I never want to regret where these years have gone.  That's my major motivation.  I live most everyday reminding myself that I want to live without regrets.  I try to not get sucked into the computer...the projects...work..... insert anything here that you find yourself taking you away from your kids and these precious times.  Yes, we need breaks, and I probably don't take enough breaks, but I'd rather err on the side of too much time than not enough. 

Here are some darling videos of River's dance recital.  She is the one on the very right.  Because she loves dancing so much, we signed her up for a dance class.  At first she loved it.  As time went on she started getting really frustrated with the other kids in the class.  It was a 3 year old class, and River is very mature and conscientious of rules and obeying them.  It was hard for her to stay focused and not stress out about all the other kids not following rules.  She kept raising her hand "Teacher, _______is touching the curtains"  "Teacher________is talking to me and not being quiet"  "Teacher_________ is running around"  "Teacher _______is pulling on me".  She just got so overwhelmed that it wasn't fun for her anymore. 

We almost didn't go to the dance recital.  At first she wanted to go and dress up in her pretty costume.  When I made the hurculean effort to get back from a S.G. trip, getting home 15 minutes before show time she then said she didn't want to go.  All these things pop up as a parent...so what do you do then...make them go...say it's okay to stay home.  I had decided Primary and Joy School are not optional.  She needs to go and have those experiences.  Dance Class and Library time are optional.  If she wants to stay home, that's okay...she's only 3.  There will come a time where we need to learn follow through and going to things even though we don't want to, but for a 3 year old???  I talked to the librarian about this, she said, "Oh, this is the time you have them come, even if they cry a couple of times, it teaches them how to interact with others".    I believe that to be true too...I think we'll start going back to library time now that Joy School is over.  Oh, how nice it would be to have a manual to look up how to handle things when they pop up. 

But that's the beauty of this life...not having everything spelled out for you, even though sometimes it would be very nice...  This is when I rely on my Heavenly Father, knowing she was his child before she was ever mine.  He knows her better than I ever will.  I need His guidance.

In the end, the mom of her BEST friend called and I said we're trying to get out the door for the recital.  Isn't it amazing when people call or stop by right at the exact moment?  Tender Mercies of the Lord are around us everywhere!  Danika is a teenager, one that River really looks up to.  Danika ended up going to the recital to watch her dance, which made River feel really special.  River had a fun time, really got into it and enjoyed herself.  I wonder what would have happened if I had tried to force her to go....We went over to Danika's house after the recital to show off her dress and say Hi.  Oh, never underestimate the power role-models can have on kids.  Especially older kids are tremendous examples to the younger ones.

A big thank-you to all those who have blessed my children's lives!  You mean more to them and me than you will ever know.

Happy Anniversary!

Colt and I have been married for 6 years!

I was asked once "What is Love?" My thought on love is "becoming one". Now... I may have taken this a bit far when I can't fall sleep without him being in bed with me...

This reminded me of us:

Not many guys are lucky enough to receive flowers (let alone bright pink ones) as an anniversary gift :)

As the two flowers are one, and share a central core, that is how I feel with Colt. I have been blessed beyond measure with him. While we are completely different in personality and some of the things that we value - we not only make it work, we find joy in our journey together.

Some examples of things we value differently: Colt values staying up at night without the distraction of children and then sleeping in in the morning, while I value going to bed early and waking up and embracing the day. Colt values being his own boss and the challenge that brings while I value predictability. Colt enjoys hot weather - I call him my lizard. I enjoy snow and sweaters and the crispness of being outside in the chilly air. Let's just say our room is kept cooler than Colt would like and warmer than I would like :) Colt's reading a personality book that I would like to pick up and read too - we are completely different in personality. While this could potentially bug some partners and cause friction (which occasionally it does) I think it is a huge blessing to our union. We are able to see the world in 2 completely different ways and if we seek to understand how the other person views things, we can grow and progress together toward something far better than we could do individually.

This is true in so many things that we do in this life - some of our experiences have the potential to separate us, but I believe they have an even larger potential of bringing us together and strengthening the bond between husband and wife if we move together instead of apart. The key is in the frustration of the situation or the tears of the adversity and trials to believe that Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God" We may not see the good now, but looking back, after a time, we can see his hand in our lives and what that experience has taught us and what we have become because of it. You are in this journey together. Someone to share all the good...and bad with.

Moving Forward - Together!

This is better than I could have ever planned. When I have put myself in the Lord's hands, He has made it better than I could have ever designed. Before I met Colt I thought I knew what I wanted...trusting the Lord...It's not exactly what I wanted back then, but it is everything that I had dreamed of and more.

I graduated with a degree in Marriage, Family and Human Development. I used to think: "What a USELESS degree!" Oh, How wrong I was!! I think for me, this was the most valuable thing I could have spent my time studying - what the major factors are that make marriages and families successful.

My Summary of my degree in action: (This part got a lot longer than I was planning on...can you tell it's my FAVORITE subject - I would love to be a marriage counselor)

**Disclaimer** These are just my thoughts on a happy marriage. They may not work for everyone, but they work for me. If they don't work for you, then find something that does.

*Pray morning and night as a couple. I am willing to submit that any couple that does this Every Day will work through their differences and come closer together. With the Lord included in your union, it is amazing what can happen. We went to a fireside at BYU where the couple said that they prayed outloud with each other, while holding hands, every morning and night and made it a joint prayer. One would start and squeeze the other's hand when they were done to have the other person pick up and finish the prayer. Colt and I have enjoyed doing this. It is a joint coming together before our Heavenly Father in the name of our Redeemer to thank the source of all our blessings and to ask for blessings in our marriage and lives. Pray for your spouse, a closeness comes when you hear your spouse thank Heavenly Father for you and ask him for blessings for you.

* Don't take it for granted. As much as I love Colt and he loves me, we acknowledge that this could fall apart. If you keep that in mind, that it can fail, and it will keep you working to make it succeed. I read marriage books, as secure as I am in this relationship, it needs to be a priority, and always strengthened. Have you seen the movie Fireproof? Colt and I really enjoyed this movie. Here is a link to their site: http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/index.php

*If it is to be, it's up to me. YOU have to be the one to take responsibility and change, regardless of how your partner does or does not respond. I have the feeling many would say that their marriage would be different if their spouse was different. What kind of spouse are you? Be the kind of spouse you would like to have. It's amazing how people respond to love and kindness. I am a firm believer that many times people behave the way you expect them to. Treat them with the potential you see in them, and they just might believe it too and become that. People respond to the way we think about them. Think positively about your spouse. Be his/her biggest fan and supporter and let them know you think they're awesome. Tell them you love them.

*Time and Attention. Without Time and Attention things will fall apart. This is the same for the gospel, without regularly strengthening your testimony, you forget what you once knew and the light burns less brightly. In marriage, you forget the feelings you had for each other and your love burns less brightly. Busy-ness. That sums up our lives. Colt and I are very busy with everything and time is at a premium. Most of the time we are burned out with our day when we get time to spend with each other at night. Make time for each other. It can be very simple. You don't have to spend a lot of money or even leave the house.

*Become one: Think about what this means for you. Strive to put your marriage and the other person's feelings first.

*Serve your spouse: You love what you sacrifice (unselfishly) for. President Spencer Kimball speaking of happiness in marriage said "happiness...comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness."

*Have a Soft Heart: Think really hard on this, this is a major key! Ask yourself in a conversation, am I soft right now?

*Live for it! Dedicate yourself to it. One of my major roles in this life and eternity is a wife to Colt.

*Intimacy: Synonyms: Familiarity, Closeness, Understanding, Relationship, Confidence, Devoted, Cherished, Confidential, Dearest, Faithful, Fond, Loving, Nearest, Snug. I cannot stress enough the importance of intimacy in marriage. If things are not going well between the two of you, do you think you'll have intimacy? I think not. Colt taught me the phrase "Mi Media Naranja: It means "My Other Half" The Half that makes me whole.

*Have Fun Together! Get out of the every day life and laugh and enjoy! Colt and I enjoy eating guacamole and playing cards together. He makes me laugh.

*Flexibility: Again, I think this is one of the major keys! Learn to live with another person and be flexible to their schedule and needs. Also, choose your battles. Don't make every issue a huge argument. Do you make an argument about the toilet seat and dinner and the way this is done and....let some things go!! Realize that if you make everything a big issue, your spouse will most likely be miserable and do the same to you. Think about your most important issues, and address those.

*Look for the positive in your spouse. If you look for the positive - you'll find it. If you look for the negative, you'll find it!

*Design in your mind how you want your family: Great families I believe don't happen just by chance on their own. Talk about it, to see if you're on the same page. We value things differently, what's important to me may not be important to him, but it's important to let him know what's important to me. (OhYah! I just used important 4 times in the same sentance!)

*Expect Less. I find that if I have high expectations, I find myself in a continual state of disappointment. If I lower those expectations and accept what others can give, my day goes SO much the better! This may seem like a really incongruous statement coming from me. Yes, I have high expectations for myself and others, but I've realized that I need to notch down the expectations. When we hold an expectation that is so hard to achieve, others can feel when we're hard with ourselves and wonder if they'll ever match up to our expectations. I know what it's like to live feeling like you'll never ever achieve another's expectations - it is the most frustrating thing!! A very, very divisive thing.

*Accept your spouse for who they are. Do not try to change them. People will only change when they want to. Talk about your frustrations. While it is important to change for your spouse...do not force them to, or make it miserable if they do not. Listen to why they like to do things that way. People have very ingrained personalities that you need to understand and work with. Hhhmmm, as I'm writing this I'm thinking of my earlier example of different values...the going to bed thing...we're different creatures - night owl and rooster, how are you going to come together on this? One may need to change to make things go smoother...my sleep is integral to my mood, which is vital to our marital happiness...I can't stay up and can't sleep without him...so something needs to change...Compromise...Sometimes we do need to change things to make it work...understanding yourself and the other person...I'll have to think more on this one - it's a work in progress.

*Communication - Key! Going with the above one...seek to understand, but also help them see what you need as well.

*Companionship Inventory: I learned this on my mission. Regularly Sit down and talk with your spouse about your relationship. What's going well? In what areas can we improve? Ask yourself - how am I being as a spouse? This is a way to think about what your most important issues are. Bring them up before they build in you to the breaking point.

*Be honest with your feelings. Don't make it a guessing game for your spouse to try to guess what you really mean by that or why you're upset. When I say "No, you don't need to buy me flowers" I really mean No. Many people say no, really thinking yes...and hoping that he'll get them for her. Don't have a hidden agenda.

*Don't give up! You are not alone when you feel that this is work and that this may not be working like you had hoped. That is one of the major concepts I walked away from BYU with. Most couples struggle at one point or other. All couples that make it have to work on it. It won't happen on it's own. There is a phenomenon that "rose colored glasses" only work for 2 years. After 2 years, you have to have some serious foundations past "I like peperoni pizza too" ......lol! Sidenote: Get to know the person you are dating for quite a while and varied circumstances, situations before you marry. Brother Barlow, my Marriage-Prep teacher taught that if your interest is based on "Wow, you're the greatest, we like all the same things...sports, animals, outdoors, (insert anything here you like) and peperoni pizza too! Let's get married!" you need to have more of a foundation than that. Back to the topic at hand...we're not dating here, we're married. We chose the one we wanted, and made a covenant for eternity. Work on it. Don't give up!!!

***Look past the here and now, this is for Eternity!***

Oh, How Happy I am That This is For Eternity!

**I will Live and Love for an Eternal Marriage! **

I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home

Our Daddy is the Greatest! We love it when he is Home!

River has a new favorite thing to do! Playing Cards!! GO FISH! She is really excellent. She has the teenage neighborhood girls pulling out their hair because she wins most of the time. Mike also couldn’t win her for awhile. This is her game!

Even when she gets sidetracked on getting the pig (her favorite animal because it's her favorite color: pink!) she still wins!
Determination!

"Daddy and I make a great team!"

Our Daddy is full of life, enthusiasm and happiness!

He adds so much joy and love!

Most Favorite Spot: On Daddy's Lap (Or being packed around by him)

River snipped off the blind cords - so Silver has a convenient spot to watch for Daddy to come home. Silver has a hard time when Daddy leaves in the mornings. She blows him kisses and waves goodbye!

Oh, The Fun When Daddy's Home!

It's amazing how much fun you can have with a wetwipe!

Throwing the Ball

A couple of Stake Conferences ago a lady in our stake gave a talk about consistancy in the gospel. It really meant a lot to me at the time because I didn't feel like I was getting much out of church or anything spiritually really. At the time she was giving the talk, I was nursing Silver Dawn in the mothers lounge. Between walking the halls with crying babies and dirty diapers, and disciplining older ones etc. I didn't feel I was getting too much out of church. Church was more exhausting than uplifting. Sometimes it's hard with little ones to feel like what you're doing is making a difference.

Her talk was just what I needed and it continues to be a common saying in our home. "We're throwing the ball". As I remember the talk (remember this was about a year ago now, with distractions) she talked about throwing a ball at a carnival at a tower of milk jugs. You may knock them all down! Yipeee!! You may knock a few down, or you may miss the pile all together. But you keep picking up the ball and throwing it.

This is what we do with our families. Sometimes in trying to get kids and ourselves ready and out the door for church, we're late. Sometimes we miss the sacrament. Does this mean we failed and shouldn't try again? No! We threw the ball. We may have missed the mark we wanted, but we picked up the ball and we threw it. We went to church!

So I ended up out in the hall more than I was in the meeting. Did I fail? No, I threw the ball, I was there, and in the process gleaned some spiritual meaning. I loved Elder Bednar's talk in last conference "More Diligent and Concerned At Home". In it he talks about Consistency and how the FHE lessons, scripture studies, church attendance, may fall short of our expectations or desired results, but the value is in consistently doing. Being there is a huge step.

I used to tell the YW to decide ahead of time what you were going to do in a given situation, before the situation arrived. Church attendance for us is one of these things: We have decided to go every week. The Prophet Joseph was tarred and feathered and not only made it to church the next day, but presided and talked at the meetings. That way the decision is already made. Instead of thinking: I stayed up way too late last night and I'm so exhausted today....Should we go? The girls are cranky, there is no way we'll get there on time...should we just stay home?

Sometimes we fail. We look at each other and say...."We saw that going differently in our minds somehow." Does that keep us from trying again? Hopefully NOT! We look at each other and say, "We're throwing the ball!"

The beautiful thing about this life is we get to learn from our mistakes. The purpose of life is in progressing and gaining faith. How grateful I am that there is no "game over" button - Whoops, you loose! Game Over! We have a loving Heavenly Father who when we sincerely repent will forgive and help us overcome.

In the end, I believe it doesn't so much matter the individual deeds that we've done but what we've become as a result of all of it. Who have we become?

Everyone has things they wish they could erase. Some major, some minor. Hopefully we can learn from them. This post has been pretty heavy. Now for a lighter side, hopefully make you smile, it will make me smile - My most embarrasing moments :)

Moment #1: I was playing the piano at Colt's grandmother's funeral. This is the first funeral I've ever had the honor of playing at. As they bring the casket into the chapel they announce will everyone please rise. Well, everyone means everyone, right. They didn't say everyone but the piano player. So, I stood up too. The room fell silent, and I felt really dumb standing there as the funeral director in not so small of a voice instructed me to keep playing. Not such a big thing right. I mean most people probably didn't even notice and if they did didn't think too much of it. Why do we always make more of it than needs to be? Lesson learned: Everyone does Not include the piano player.

Moment #2: River was about 2 years old and I was pregnant with Silver Dawn. I don't drink very much during the day. Like really not very much at all. I know this is a problem, and decided that I needed to drink quite a bit more. To help me, I bought a mug that would hold a good amount of water. I only needed to drink 3 of these a day to get my 8 glasses of water. Wahoo, I was going to start my good habit of drinking water today! I jumped in the car on the way to work with River and put my water mug on the car seat. We live down a winding dirt road, very little traffic, so I wasn't paying all that much attention as my mug fell off the seat and started spilling all over the floor. Observation #1: I could have stopped the car and then retreaved the mug. Observation #2: Really how much harm could 20 oz of water do to the floor of the car? Oh, hindsight is 20/20~!

Instead of doing the above mentioned things, I leaned over and retreaved the mug, only to look up and see myself headed for an electrical pole. WHO IN THE WORLD HITS A TELEPHONE POLE??? It's not moving!! Blessing #1: This is right before the highway. Yes, our dirt road turns into the highway. It could have been MUCH worse.

This was highly embarassing. So, my car won't move, it's right next to the highway where just about everyone we know in our neighboring communities happens to pass by for the couple of hours that it is sitting there before it is towed. I had numerous neighbors and friends asking me about it. Our car still has a dent in it, and people still ask about what happened. (Yes, we do insurance and drive a smashed in front end of a car. I wasn't willing to spend $1,200 to fix our car - which is another topic I'd like to blog about someday, we all choose to spend our $$ differently. What is important to one may not be to another, but it is a choice.) I didn't have any type of phone (no home phone or cell phone, again $$ priorities, yes I am a tightwad in many areas) so I had to walk and ask Colt's aunt for a ride to the office to tell my husband I wrecked our car on a pole!
Well, my husband is an insurance agent who happens to talk to hundreds of clients to insure their cars. He hears numerous embarassing stories about their wrecking a car, he can then laugh and share my wreck with them. Result: They feel less stupid, and it creates sympathy in me for those who do stupid things. Other lessons learned: I keep that dent in my car - on the drivers side as a reminder everytime I get into the car. It could have been worse. A thousand times worse, no one got hurt and it was only a couple hundred dollars to fix the allignment. A moment of distraction can lead to tragedy. I don't talk on the phone or multi-task when I'm in the car. Our lives and the lives of the other drivers are much too precious. Valuable lesson learned! Colt has only been an insurance agent for 4 years, he has had people both killed and kill people in car accidents. He has also delivered the death benefit to a widow on their life insurance policy, young mother with 4 kids. He had another family come in after their father died asking if he had any life insurance.

Life is a precious thing, one where every day is a gift! I love to look for the "Silver Lining" What was good today? It's always there, if you look for it! (We didn't have to go to the Emergency room today when Silver Dawn fell off the desk AND when Silver poured a cup of water on the heater, it didn't electrocute her....it doesn't work now....but, hey, at least the days are quite a bit warmer now and we don't need to use the heater as much - it could have been worse! All this happened before noon! Sometimes their nap is the Silver Lining!!)

It is all worth it. These days go by SO fast!

So we'll pick up that ball again tomorrow and throw, throw, throw!