May 11, 2020....Our River Joy returned Home to her Heavenly Father today. Our prayers were answered as it was a beautiful peaceful passing. Colt gave her a blessing at 1:50 letting her know it was ok to let go and go home and she had finished the race. Her spirit went home 10 minutes later at 2:00 pm.
Is there "no other way?"...
A raw cry from the Heart,
From the Garden, Gethsemane,
My Soul torn apart.
What plan is this?
That causes such pain?
My Soul searches, what is to Gain?
Future JOY is raised higher,
My soul purified
Through this trial of Fire.
In the thicket, this time, there was no ram...
Nor on Golgotha, for God's Firstborn Lamb...
My puny understanding,
Blurred by sorrow and tears,
Clouded by doubt and earthly fears,
My mortal vision, Lacking eternal perspective,
Of Loving Heavenly Parents careful directive.
We are Beings of Light,
Trapped in a mortal cocoon,
Breaking through the chrysalis of Death,
Like a Blue Butterfly, on to new flight...
Home has been a bittersweet time.
Bitter that we knew time was very short.
Bitter watching her body get weaker and weaker.
Bitter that she could feel and know that her body was failing.
But oh how sweet the time has been! It makes it harder because it has been so magical and good.
With Silver, Summer, Tanzi and Ridge circling her bed and talking and spending TIME.
Sweet with the peace that passeth understanding.
Sweet with the spirit that has been so strongly with her and in everything we do in our home.
Sweet with Hope & Joy
Sweet with Gratitude.
Oh what a welcome home our River Joy received!
22 police cars and fire engines escorted her into town.
Where we live there are 4 small towns full of people lining the streets with signs and businesses with windows painted with blue butterflies and yellow ribbons around the trees lining the streets.
Words simply fail to describe how beautiful and heart-touching it all was.
River was in so much pain from her 6 hour ride home, on top of the round of radiation she received that morning...but she wanted to see the town full of people that love her.
Colt and I held her between us on the backseat. She whispered “hi” and “thank you” as we drove through town.
"Mom...we live in the best town ever!" - Summer
These are the words of my nine year old daughter uttered as she watched open mouthed the rows of police cars and firetrucks lined up to escort River home. Words cannot express the emotions of seeing miles of ribbons attached to trees and fences, and people lining Main Street with signs and ribbons cheering support from Glendale to Orderville to Kanab to Fredonia.
How true this has been in our journey!
We have been absolutely blown away by the show of love and support from everyone and extremely humbled by the kindness of everyone.
To every person who has lifted our burdens in countless ways, we wish to express heartfelt thanks and please know it is deeply appreciated and meant the world to River and our family!
I have to agree with my daughter..."We live in the best town ever!"
Arriving HOME!
She was away from siblings for over 3 weeks in the hospital. Oh how we hoped and prayed she could come home and be with them. Radiation really helped her cognitively. She would often say that she was confused or didn’t understand in the hospital. After radiation she was able to understand and to say more of the things she wanted. It was still very hard for her to come up with the words. We learned to slowly work with it and help her figure out what she wanted to say when she couldn't find the right word. Other times she would be very clear and have very deep and touching conversations.
Watching the grace that she showed accepting that she was dying and she knew it broke our hearts. She loved the beautiful white dress we picked out for her to be buried in. She was not afraid to die, but sad for all the love and joy of her sisters and Ridge she would miss out on.
She didn't want Ridge to forget her.
The girls were her nurses.
Complete with gloves 🙂
They would bring her what she needed and wanted.
But she always wanted Ridge with her.
One of our favorite things was to pull up pictures and put them on the tv and laugh and talk about the amazing memories we have.
Lots of time
Holding hands
One of the things River was looking forward to in Texas was getting each girl a hair clip. She wanted to do their hair. These were waiting when we got home.
Mother's Day Tea party!
Trying to teach Daddy dainty tea party etiquette
These tea cups were their special presents from Christmas.
It was the first time they've been able to have a tea party with them.
Mothers Day was especially meaningful as we knew time was getting very short...
We have been doing church at home during covid. What a very special, wonderful, and spiritual time this has been to have sacrament meeting in our home.
Testimonies. Thoughts. Questions asked and pondered.
We have had 3 Sunday's home with her.
She has expressed Faith, Hope, Love
Her last testimony on Sunday (Mother's Day) was she knows Heaven is true. It is okay to cry and she knows we will all be okay. Then she feel asleep.
Sleep on my dear one.
3 books have helped a lot to know what happens after we die.
When we understand death, it helps us understand life...and it will change the way I live everyday.
The Gateway We Call Death by Russell M. Nelson
What's on the Other side: What the Gospel Teaches us about the Spirit World by Brent L. Top
The Birth We Call Death by Paul H Dunn and Richard M. Eyre
River wanted an indoor Rose garden!
One of the many many things we will miss about River is her crafting and planning.
One night after receiving Jolly Ranchers in the mail she announced we were going to make Candy Roses.
She just LOVED observing the sisters.
Her bed is set up in the front room and she wanted them to come play by her.
Just to see them hand sew or lego meant everything to her.
We circled around.
And Ate
And talked
And cried
And laughed
There were meds that would take away the pain or the panic of some episodes of not being able to breathe. But she would use them very sparingly because she wanted to be involved and present.
Fun memory: Painting hands.
We made a canvas with all of our hand prints!
Reading. Lots of reading.
Her favorite and all of ours was Family History Stories!
She loved learning about where she came from - their legacy and especially more about the lives of the angels that have been around her and that she will soon meet.
With all the discussions of Dying and what it will be like after death we asked her how she felt.
Her answer was always either Happy or Peaceful
There have been times of deep sorrow and much pain. For River and all of us. There has been much time to grieve the loss. Oh what plans our Mighty Merciful God must have for this one...because our plans for her Earth life were pretty great...how smart, faithful and determined she is - she could move mountains one shovel full at a time, or with her faith. Either one was amazing to behold. God's plans are always for our good...but watching her cry...It's hard right now, right here, to see how this is what's best for her and all of us. But I TRUST that it will. I TRUST My God and My Jesus to make this right and fill the giant hole in our hearts with love. And I hold to her last testimony: We will all be okay.
Her shirt here says "Anchored in Christ"
I love her fingernails - white and red with a white butterfly
River "endured a great fight of afflictions" Hebrews 10:32
She has been a "Good Soldier of Christ Jesus" 1 Tim 2:3
"I have Fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:7-8
She and Colt would have deep conversations about where she was going, why her life was cut short, and what she would be doing after this life. Her Patriarchal Blessing was a great comfort and source of strength to her. Truly inspired. Reading it now it is amazing how clearly she has been called as a missionary on the other side.
I am a witness of the comfort of the Lord that he visits his people in their afflictions.
-Mosiah Chapters 23 & 24
I will always hold to the feeling that we are the lucky ones - Colt and I. The Lord knew we would only have her for a short time - and he blessed our lives immensely through River and her life and this new perspective of life, and everything we do, and everyday what a gift it is. And this burning testimony inside that we are a Family Forever!
This picture was taken as we were talking about her funeral. She had many questions, and it brought peace to her heart to know of the plan.
She smiles a lot. When I ask what she's smiling about she says:
"I'm Happy" or "I Feel Peace"
And I soon go to the place of my rest, which is with my Redeemer; for I know that in him I shall rest. And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me:
Come unto me, ye blessed, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father.
-Enos 1:27
